


Texas Shapes

by AAfan



Series: Texas connection [2]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Could Be Canon, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28369815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AAfan/pseuds/AAfan
Summary: Some Shaw backstory through her seemingly random mind-wandering, reality issues, and trying to remember things from her past. Takes place after Root/Shaw reunite in Sotto Voce. Sameen also makes sure Root knows how she feels about her.Not really a sequel, but details are tied-in with part 1 of this series, Trip Across Texas.
Relationships: Root | Samantha Groves/Sameen Shaw
Series: Texas connection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077446
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Texas Shapes

Sameen startles herself awake again. She looks around and relaxes a little upon finding herself in the same hotel room as the last time she remembered before falling asleep. She can usually only sleep in short intervals, partially because her sleep patterns are so disrupted, but mostly because her dreams, or rather, nightmares, always eventually wake her. After what Samaritan put her through during months of torture, any chance of going back to the days when Sameen could easily fall asleep after a hard and satisfying day of work or play seems impossible, as much as Sameen is exhausted and needs it. 

This afternoon while Root is out running errands for The Machine, Sameen had again fallen into a restless asleep, but this time it isn’t a nightmare that wakes her. She was inundated with flashes of seemingly random images, not entirely unlike certain times while Samaritan was intruding into her mind. This time, it is the recurring sight of a young girl that triggers some sort of weird feeling in Sameen, enough to wake her out of her slumber to ponder. 

The thin girl with honey brown hair makes Sameen think about her own childhood, or at least what fragments of it she can still put together. She can’t help but feel a certain familiarity with the girl, but she can’t place her. It seems unlikely that this girl would have been a childhood friend since she didn’t remember having real friends, and if she did, her mother would likely have made a big enough deal out of it that she’d likely at least remember all the fuss. 

Sameen never kept track of the random people flowing in and out of her life, and the details from her childhood are fuzzy. She had lived in so many states, some for a couple of years, but many just for several months, as her father was reassigned frequently due to his special skill set. In fact, her childhood memories mostly consist of spending time with her father and mother, her favorite foods, learning how to handle a gun, and beating up tons of nameless and faceless bullies who had tried to pick on her. Sometimes it seems like it was a different lifetime, to which she only has fleeting moments of clarity. Sameen has never been one to dwell on the past so it’s no surprise she doesn’t remember more. 

She barely recognizes her current self either. Sure, she is still in pretty good physical shape since Samaritan had allowed her to have regular exercise. She supposes she’s lucky Samaritan recognized her capabilities and potential usefulness as a lethal weapon and didn’t leave her to waste away physically. What she doesn’t recognize is the mentally broken image staring back at her when she looks in the mirror. When she had sacrificed herself to save the team at the stock exchange, she figured she was the logical choice since she didn’t have anything to lose and no one would truly miss her if she got killed. If she were captured, she was sure she could take the physical torture, and since she didn’t have any feelings or even minor attachments, there would be nothing in the world that her enemies could use to manipulate her. 

But now, she knows different. Sameen wishes she didn’t think of Root so often, of how much she needs her, and how much she wants Root to be here with her right now. Sameen wonders when she had come to care. Samaritan had broken her so badly, and had known exactly how to do it, even before Sameen realized she had a weakness. She was gutted when she realized she had given up the information to Samaritan about Root’s cochlear implant and put her in imminent danger. Sameen realizes, whether in a simulation world or reality, she finds Root to be a comforting presence. As much as she had wanted simulation Root to be real at times, it never felt quite right though. Root has currently been staying with Sameen since their reunion at the park and being around Root again helps Sameen discern reality from simulation. She doesn’t like knowing that she needs Root, and even if she didn’t need her, she’s struggling with the feeling of wanting her. Her old self would never have let herself want something so badly, let alone someone. 

That had made joining the ISA easy. No one to leave behind, except her mother, but she’s sure her mother would understand. Sameen cared for her in her own way, but she wasn’t exactly attached to her. She’s glad her mother found someone new many years ago and even had another child (whom Sameen had never met). Sameen knows her mom deserves to be loved by her own child, even if Sameen can’t be the one to give her that. 

Sameen’s mind wanders a lot these days. But now her mind comes back to the images of this girl with the honey-brown hair. It triggers the sensation of a hot sunny day in Texas, and Sameen recalls that she enjoyed her very short time in El Paso as a child. Her family didn’t stay there long enough to get to know anyone, but she figures she must have enjoyed the food there, and the open space where she could spend all her time target shooting when she wasn’t in school. 

She thinks it odd why this girl would make her think of Texas. She tries to re-visualize the details and notices the girl’s pointy nose and lithe figure. The image does sort of look like an older version of twelve-year-old Root from that picture of her and Hanna that was kept in one of the team’s old files. The hair is different though, much longer with some natural waviness, and a bit darker. Sameen reminds herself that she had only lived in El Paso for a very short time when she must have been about nine years old, while Root had grown up in Bishop which was more than halfway across the state. It would be highly improbable for them to have met back then, and even more unlikely that Root would somehow wind up in Sameen’s head, at least from a time well before that meeting which ended in Root threatening her with a hot iron. 

Besides, if she and Root had crossed paths before then, Root likely would have mentioned it by now, if only to be able to tease Sameen endlessly about them having a shared past, that being reconnected was somehow fate, or Root would come up with some other ridiculous explanation of why they were meant to be together. Perhaps Root is also unaware, but wouldn’t The Machine have told them? 

It’s possible that it is someone else, but Shaw’s mind is starting to slip again. Is this another one of Samaritan’s tricks? She was certain she was living in reality at least some of the time after her escape from Samaritan more than a week ago. Nevertheless, it is possible they let her escape and are still in her head, trying to confuse her or trick her somehow into giving them new information to use against her or Team Machine. She doesn’t recall seeing this girl in the simulations before or the other mind tricks that Samaritan had tried on her. Maybe Samaritan is still fucking with her now but what would this young girl have to do with anything that they could potentially use as leverage against her? Shaw doesn’t like anyone messing with kids, but she can’t see Samaritan’s angle here. 

Sameen tries to ground herself and takes her mind back to a recent time spent with Root. Root had been staying with her in this dingy hotel room for a few days except when she had lone missions to complete or her cover identity had to maintain certain appearances. Yesterday before dawn, Sameen got to ride on Root’s motorcycle while they ran a quick mission together and got to shoot some gangsters before Root dropped her off. When Root came back to the hotel in the evening, she had brought a pastrami sandwich and a bag of chips for Sameen, although it was just pastrami and regular mustard as Sameen didn’t want Root to risk going to Park’s Deli where Samaritan might pick up their scent. Apparently, Root was bored while having to stay in her cover identity’s apartment for most of the day, so she baked an apple pie to pass the time and brought it for dessert. Sameen thought it tasted much like the one her mother used to make, and it wasn’t until she ate half the pie before offering to leave some for Root. Root had just smiled and would have happily let Sameen eat the entire pie by herself if she had wanted. Sameen doesn’t know why, but last night after Root had fallen asleep in the bed next to hers, Sameen had crawled into Root’s bed to lay next to her, their shoulders and arms lightly touching. Root let out a soft moan, acknowledging Sameen’s presence in her bed without making a big deal out of it. Sameen had always been able to be herself with Root, whether it was because Root understood her or that Root loved her regardless. Root was, is, and will always be her safe place, physically, mentally, and admittedly in her heart too. Sameen calms and falls asleep again.

Sameen doesn’t wake until it’s completely dark outside, probably around 6:30 pm as the sun sets so early this time of year. She’s hungry and is about to make herself something to eat, thanks to Root having picked up some grocery items and sneaking in one of those single convection burners and a pan so Sameen doesn’t have to go out for food if she doesn’t want to. As she reaches for the pan, Root comes in, showing her a large bag of takeout from an unfamiliar restaurant. 

Root notices Sameen seems even quieter than usual, her eyes watching Root’s every move, paying attention to her every word. Root understands Sameen is feeling lost, wondering if this is another simulation. She doesn’t tell Sameen to believe that she’s real. When she had done that after initially finding Sameen at the park, Sameen had put a gun to her own head. Root knows Sameen needs to determine what’s real for herself. The best thing she can do is be herself, and Sameen will eventually see that it’s really her. Samaritan may have been able to simulate most of Root, but there are things about her that only Sameen would know or feel, even if Sameen wasn’t consciously aware of it. Root understands Sameen needs time to work things out on her own terms and is willing to be patient. 

Over dinner, Root tells Sameen that her current cover identity is an aspiring science fiction writer who has just recently been cut off financially by her parents’ and is now hunkering down in her apartment, finally taking her potential career more seriously since she can no longer afford to fritter away her life. She tells Sameen that she’s been busy writing some code for The Machine but doesn’t elaborate much. Sameen assumes Root meant “for The Machine” as in a mission from her, and not actually something Root was writing to add to The Machine’s code. Sameen isn’t that interested in nerd talk and Root knows better than to bore her with the details. Whatever Root is doing, Sameen is fully in support of. Root and Harold may be the only people capable of stopping Samaritan with the right help, but Root was willing to do anything necessary, whereas Harold was not. Sameen wasn’t afraid to die for the cause, but when there are alternatives to consciously choosing a path that leads to the end of the free world and certain death, she would agree more with Root’s methods than Harold’s stubborn approach. 

While Sameen and Root tidy up the room a little, Sameen finally feels reassured that she is back to reality and is safe to pose the question that has been on her mind. She sits down on her bed and asks, “Have we ever crossed paths before that time I thought you were Veronica?” 

Root turns toward Sameen with a look of worry. “Why do you ask?” Root replies. 

“Answer the question,” Shaw says flatly.

Root isn’t sure if now is a good time to mention their shared past. When Sameen is already grappling with her real and fake memories, it seems almost cruel to tell her something that was actually real when Sameen doesn’t seem to remember at all. Still, Root would never lie to Sameen, especially now. 

“Remember when I said, ‘I read your file and I’m kind of a big fan’? When I came across your ISA file while working for Special Counsel, I knew immediately that I had found you. The truth is, we met briefly when we were kids,” Root admits.

“When was that? Not that it matters,” Sameen says, knowing it doesn’t change anything. 

“It would have been in the early 90s when you lived in El Paso. I rode across the state on my dirt bike, expanding my horizons. You helped me by taking care of a few bullies and we ended up hanging out together for a couple of days while you were suspended from school.” Root pauses, trying not to get too emotional while thinking back to one of her fondest old memories, and finally says, “Had my first ever sleepover in your backyard tent.” 

“Why don’t I remember any of this?” Sameen is frustrated with herself. 

“Sameen, it’s fine. You may not remember me exactly, but you seem to have kept your love of the pastrami and mustard sandwich that I introduced to you. I’d also like to think your need for speed and awesome driving skills started back when I let you drive my dirt bike while I sat behind trying to hold onto you and you just wanted to keep pushing the bike to it limits.” Root then walks over to sit next to Sameen and asks intently, “Sameen, why do you want to know?”

“I kept seeing this image of a young girl as I was sleeping today, and I didn’t know who it was or why I kept seeing her. She sorta looked like you, but I wasn't sure. I thought maybe Samaritan is still messing with my head,” Sameen shares. “What else do you remember?” 

“I remember you sneaked half of your mom’s apple pie and shared it with me. And you taught me how to handle a gun and get myself out of bad situations,” Root recounts. 

“Great, so I’m the reason you’re obsessed with eating apples, and why you turned into a killer for hire. Sounds about right,” Sameen sighs. 

“I was already headed toward that life. You just taught me how to take care of myself,” Root says. 

“How come you never told me we’d met before?” Sameen asks earnestly. 

“I was waiting for the right moment and I guess we ran out of time,” Root answers regretfully. “I know you care about me, but at times you just tolerate me because we all have our own personal boundaries. Sameen, I love you just the way you are, and I was worried that telling you about our past connection would push you away. I didn’t want you to feel like I was intruding into your life if you weren’t ready to let me in.” 

“Thanks for telling me. The right moment…” Sameen can’t finish her sentence, unable to articulate what she is feeling. Sameen knows a tomorrow is never guaranteed for any of them. They had already lost so much time, but if things hadn’t happened the way they did, perhaps the right moment might not have ever come at all. This was the right moment, and, is the right moment for something more. It’s time for Root to know everything that Sameen needs her to know. “Root, I don’t…just tolerate you. I…,” Sameen protests, still struggling to find the right words. Instead, she looks longingly into Root’s eyes, leans in and kisses Root tenderly. The kiss is so gentle, it almost feels shy for Sameen, as if she had never kissed anyone before. Deep inside Sameen knows, in a way, this truly is a first time for her, and Root unmistakably feels it too.


End file.
